Daily I shall worship thee, Lamb of God who died for me, who has extended endless mercies. Today Father I thank you, I thank you for another day you've allowed my eyes to see. I thank you for supplying my needs and granting my wants. I thank you for being the lover of my soul and the God of my life! Father it is yet another time I come to you to pour out of myself. Lord, I know those who you call you fully equip, and without a need there would be no call. This task to cover your youth and young adults, to sheppard their souls and impart wise counsel among many other responsibilities, I'm not sure I can do. Why me, Father? Why me? I am only but a minister with a call and a love for the young people. I don't feel my call and some love can penetrate the hearts of a whole region. I need You to speak a definitive word and send confirmation. If it be Your perfect will God, I'll go, but only if You go with me. I can't do anything without You. In all my ways You say to acknowledge You and You shall direct my paths. You haven't failed me yet and You won't because You're a God that can't lie. Father, while I'm down here, I also ask that You grant me a greater discernment and protect my heart from anything outside of Your will. I bind up the spirit of lust. Lord, if it is thy will that Quincy and I be together again, and his intentions are pure, make my heart open and receptive at the appointed time and have him prove himself. Bless this day, keep me, cover me, grant traveling mercy. Look down on Dad Christopher and do the work. A special blessing for all those connected to me. I believe it to be done, in Jesus name. Amen.
I spent an hour in prayer and meditation, consulting God about so much this morning; the Youth Regional Prelate position, Dad Christopher and my matters of the heart, Quincy. I know how vulnerable I can be with him at times and that's what brings about the roughness with him, a defense mechanism. I can't help it to a certain degree. I mean Quincy and I dated since sophomore year in college, experienced so much together and shared so much with each other. My initial sermon, his paternal grandfather passing, heck, I even stayed here after college because we were on the road to holy matrimony thus justifying certain sacred acts we shared. Quincy held a certain place in my heart and sadly always will. But why now? Why all of a sudden is Lisa not for him? After three years you now see how shallow she is? That trophy wife image tends to chip away eventually.
Here I am finally happy with me and Jesus alone, I have a great job at Christian Couture Inc. as an office manager in the corporate offices and I enjoy the work I do at the church with the youth ministry. I have my own car, my own condominium townhouse, good credit and a Yorkie, what more could I ask for? Besides a handsome, God-fearing, respectable gentleman, with goals, morals and vision. A career would be preferred, but I'd settle for a job, a car and preferably his own home and credit, so I'm sure he won't be freeloading off of me. I worked too hard to get to where I'm at and I'm not even thirty yet.
I made my bed and showered before taking care of some office business. New York Fashion Week was coming up and loose ends with sponsorship had to be tied up. I could not afford to be lounging around this morning. I emailed Janette to find out what time she would be leaving for the hospital so I could meet her there. Sitting at my desk, I paused for a moment, Vanessa Bell Armstrong's "Desire of My Heart" was playing. I began to harmonize along with the background vocals "...show me the desires of my heart..." and in that moment, a stream of tears ran down my face. The song was coming to an end as I went to click repeat and saw Janette's reply with '1:00pm' in the subject line. I glanced at the time on my desktop, '12:45pm' it read. Time seriously flew by today. Whup, time to go. I detached my iPod, grabbed a cardigan and my bag and headed downstairs.
Once in the car I put Vanessa back on, this song was really ministering to me today. I reached for my phone to check for any emails from the office. None of urgency, thank heavens. My phone began to play Fantasia's "Free Yourself". Ugh, Quincy. He's become quite the nuisance in the past 24 hours. I let it ring to voicemail. I'll check it eventually, I thought to myself. I was really hoping he called to cancel. Eric Benet's "I Wanna Be Loved" was coming on, I know that intro anywhere. A few stop lights away, with the hospital in view, my mind began to run. I really do want to be loved, I began to think there has to be more prospects than Quincy. Come to think of it, the doctor from yesterday was rather handsome; I had made a mental note to self yesterday. "I wanna feel there's a reason for living again..." I sang along and whispered to myself, "there has to be, God."
I pulled into a parking spot in the visitors lot and texted Janette to tell her I was here and find out what room Dad Christopher was in. I was about to check my voicemail to kill time when Janette texted me back the room information. So much for that I thought to myself. Oh well.
I walked down the corridor reading the room numbers. Clearly I was about to get lost. I saw a white coat from the back standing there examining a chart or something and walked over to ask for directions. I tapped the doctor on the shoulder from behind. "Excuse me,"
"Yes..." he said turning around swiftly.
"Umm... I'm looking for room C914 and I think I'm in the wrong wing or something." I said.
"Oh okay," he chuckled "you are in the wrong wing, you want to be in cardiology. Go back towards the elevators and make that second left near the coffee cart. 914 should be two doors down."
"Okay, thanks so much."
"You're welcome."
Hmmm... Dr. Dubois. Handsome and Creole. I thought to myself following the directions he had given me.
"Hey, Hey" I announced as I walked into the room.
"Did you get lost?" Janette asked.
"Uh, actually, I did. But the doctors are so handsome and helpful around here." I laughed.
"Now did you come to see me or the eligible bachelors, Cheyenne?" Dad Christopher joked.
"I came to see you, but if a bachelorette can meet a nice bachelor to court that makes it all the more enjoyable." I said walking over to his bedside to greet him.
"And there's nothing wrong with that, you're a beautiful young lady, Chey" Ma Lene chimed in as I made my way to greet her.
"You look real chic today too. Surprised the GPS doctor didn't give you more than directions." Janette teased. I was wearing wide leg denim cuffed slacks from the GAP, a white v-neck tee, a long navy cardigan from Express and Nine West gold metallic gladiator sandals to show off my French pedicure. I wore my hair down since I had washed it and blew it out this morning.
"Thanks," I laughed "I guess he didn't want to seem too aggressive. But GPS doctor though? Really JanJan??" We all laughed.
"Did you happen to catch Dr. GPS' name though?" She asked.
"Not officially, but the name on the coat was Dubois." Then Janette looked at her mother who looked back at her before glancing over to Dad Christopher. "Y'all know something I should?" I asked.
"Nothing you won't find out eventually." Dad Christopher said with a chuckle.
"Ma Lene, is he a tambourine player?" I asked with a hint of panic. I had already started dating this guy in my head.
"My radar hasn't gone off" Janette chimed in.
"Yours isn't so reliable" Dad Christopher said throwing off on a couple of guys Janette dated in college. He still had his reservations about Xavier, quiet as its kept. He says never trust a man with two first names, but that Christopher men are an exception. In that case Quincy was doomed and Xavier's last name, Issacs, makes him subject to Dad Christopher's ideology too.
"Honey, that was low!" Ma Lene interjected.
"Daddy, please. Not today." Janette retorted.
Just then there was a knock at the open door, "Mr. Christopher, are you ready to go home yet?" A gentleman's voice asked entering the room.
Oh Jesus! Dr. Dubois -- embarrassing!
"Is that a rhetorical question Dr. Dubois? This bed feels nothing like my California king. I'm more than ready." Dad Christopher responded.
"Well if staying here meant being surrounded by all these beautiful women at one time I wouldn't be so anxious." Dr. Dubois joked.
Corny doctor humor. My phone was buzzing in my bag, I dug through my bag to get it. Quincy. Again. I might as well answer it. "Excuse me, I need to take this call." I announced uprising to walk out.
"I see you found your way." Dr. Dubois flirted.
"I had a good navigational system." I flirted back just before entering the hallway. "Its Cheyenne", I said answering the call.
"I know who I dialed. How are you today, beautiful?" Quincy answered.
"Flattery will get you no where. I'm fine."
"Can't blame a man for trying."
"Talk quick I'm at the hospital." I said rushing him so I could get back into the room to see Dr. Dubois.
"Oh yeah, how is Pastor Christopher? Did you get my voicemail?" He questioned.
"He's recovering well. No I didn't have a chance to check it, what's up? Lemme guess, you're calling to cancel?" I asked sarcastically.
"Not exactly. Something has come up. X needs me to preach his revival out in LA so he can spend some time with Janette and the Christophers during Pastor Christopher's recovery, so I need to go home and prepare after work. I was calling to see if you wanted to meet up after you leave the hospital since you're working from home today."
"I had plans on heading back home and working myself, New York Fashion Week is around the corner." I replied.
"Chey Bay, please. I really would like to see you today." Quincy pleaded.
Ugh he sounded so pathetic. Why was he going so hard over what he gave up? He started to make some kind of plea on the other end of the line, but I was too busy trying to eavesdrop on the conversation going on in the room. I had enough of his rambling and reasoned with myself to just go meet him to get it over with.
"Cheyenne, are you listening to me?" Quincy asked.
"I hear you, Quincy. Look I can spare an hour. Text me where,I'm leaving here in a half hour." I answered sorta, kind of annoyed. Like seriously, you're a grown man, stop it already.
"Okay. See you soon." I hung up and walked back into the room.
"I see you found your way back safely." Dr. Dubois teased.
"Yes, it wasn't that complicated this time." I chuckled.
"Well Mr. Christopher, I'm getting ready to go home for the day, I'm not due back to work until Thursday night, but your wife has my mobile number should anything arise. And I'll see you on Sunday, 11am right?" said Dr. Dubois just before exiting the room.
"Yes Doc, I'll be looking for you on Sunday morning." Dad Christopher responded and waved as Dr. Dubois left the room.
Janette looked at the time. "Mommy, Daddy, I have to get back to work. I have a few errands to run, but I'll try to stop back by here on my way home, but if not, I'll see you at home Ma." She kissed everyone and then left. I looked at my phone -- Quincy had texted to meet him at The Chateau. It was about a ten minute drive from the hospital.
"Chey, I think Dr. Dubois was flirting with you." Ma Lene teased.
"Ha ha! Ma Lene you're a trip!" I laughed although I noticed it myself. I tried to play it cool, but they must have been talking about way more than cardiology and stuff while I was on the phone I thought.
"He's saved." Dad Christopher chimed in.
"That's half the battle," I retorted.
"And he doesn't have two first names!" Dad Christopher said.
"OH SHA" I joked. "Well, I'm going to get ready to go. Still have some work to get home and finish."
"Thanks for coming Cheyenne, you know you're like another daughter to me." Dad Christopher said as I went to hug him.
"Not a problem, Dad. Love you both." I said as I kissed Ma Lene's cheek and headed towards the door.
I walked down the corridor and pressed the call button for the elevator. I pulled out my phone to check for any emails from the office. Nothing of urgency that I couldn't respond to right away from my BlackBerry. I was almost finished an email revising a memo for tomorrows department meeting when I was interrupted.
"My, you must be a pretty important person." It was Dr. Dubois, he looked so charming in his khaki chino pants and light blue Oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up like the Macy's advertisements and Tods loafers. "Every time I see you, you're on your phone."
"I guess you could say so. I'm working from home today, so that plays a part in it." I replied with a smile.
DING! The elevator arrived and the doors opened. Dr. Dubois motioned for me to enter first. Hmph, chivalrous, I'm impressed I thought. "Oh okay, I thought maybe you were texting your boyfriend." He commented on the sly going to the opposite side of the elevator, bringing us face to face.
"Ha! Boyfriend? What are those again?!" I replied sarcastically.
"Wow, I'm surprised!" He responded shaking his head in disbelief.
"So are you going to meet your girlfriend, now?" I asked reversing the questioning.
"I wouldn't mind on a beautiful day like today if there was one to meet." We had reached the ground floor. "Do you mind if I walk you to your car?" he asked as we exited the elevator.
"Not at all. So Dr. Dubois, do you have a first name other than 'Doctor'?" I asked chuckling.
"Funny," he responded laughing, "yes, I do, its Vincent and yours?"
"Cheyenne, Cheyenne Bradley" I responded.
"Cheyenne... I like that." He repeated slowly as we approached my car. "Acura TL, nice, okay. I think you really are important and you're playing it down." He joked.
"Not hardly, just do important work." My phone started buzzing in my hand, Quincy was calling. He must've been at The Chateau already. He can wait and I hit the red phone.
"Well Cheyenne, I'd love to keep in touch with you if you don't mind." Vincent said.
"Is that your way of asking for my number, Vincent?" I flirted with full knowledge of what he meant.
"Number, email, PIN, Twitter, Facebook. The choice is yours." He joked.
I dug in my bag and pulled out my business card holder and gave him a card. "See what I mean, important!", he flirted "here's mine." As he dug in his pocket for his wallet.
"No thanks, I'll get it when you call." I smiled and got in the car and closed the door. He just stood there and smiled and watched me pull out before walking the other direction.
I arrived to The Chateau and was led to my seat by the hostess. This place brought back so many memories, Quincy thought he was slick. We met here at least once a week while we were together and after we broke up, it took me quite sometime to return with anyone but him. Ironically enough, I was returning for Quincy -- who would have ever thought? Quincy was looking rather handsome and professional in his grey Banana Republic boot cut slacks that fell perfectly tailored to his six foot five inch frame, rich purple PINK French cuff shirt that seemed to hug his muscular physique just right as if it had been custom made for him, and black patent leather pointed Ferragamo loafers. He had taken his tie off already and had the top button open. He stood to give me a hug. My five foot seven inch frame brought my face right into the sculpted peck muscles in his chest. The embrace of his arms brought back a rush of so many familiar emotions. Quincy returned to his seat with a slight grin on his face and reclined back as I took my seat on the opposite side of the table and glanced over the menu. "So, you called this meeting, what did you want to talk about so urgently?" I asked, getting straight to the point, not even looking up to acknowledge him. His charming brown eyes were not going to distract me today.
"Geesh, Chey, you just sat down. Do you at least know what you want?" Quincy said a bit taken aback. Did he think I'd be uber excited to be this close to him one on one in a social setting outside Kingdom?
"Yes," I replied as Quincy motioned for the waitress.
"Are you guys ready to order?" The waitress asked.
"Yes, I'll have a the grilled Atlantic salmon Caesar salad, no croutons and a bottle of Voss." I ordered and sat back and tucked my hands in between my thighs, positioning myself to hear his argument.
"And I'll have lemon herb stuffed chicken breast with steamed seasonal vegetables and a ginger ale with lemon." Quincy ordered and leaned forward towards me.
"Thank you, I'll be right back with your drinks," said the waitress.
"Well Chey, I asked you to meet me because like I said on the phone, I've been thinking about my life and us and I really don't want another year to go by without you in it." He started, affixing his manicured almond hands on top of the table, "In these past three years I've realized just how much you mean to me and just how much you were to me. Majority of the best times in my life were shared with you, even some of the hardest."
"Thank you" he paused to acknowledge the waitress who brought our drinks over. "You know how much Poppie was to me and you were there every step of the process." He continued, "Apart of me is glad that Poppie went to glory when he did, I'm not confident Lisa would've been able to handle me at that point in my life. I'm ready to be married, Chey. I want what my parents have, I want to be a husband, a father. I want to look forward to coming home from traveling and work, start my own traditions, possibly even move."
"Yeah right, Quincy. That's the reason I'm still here. You aint moving anywhere." I blurted out my thought aloud and rolled my eyes.
"Chey, that's what I said last night. I admit to being a puppet for my parents approval and making some decisions that affected me as well as you in the process." He stated.
"Thank you", I said as our food arrived. I turned my attention back to Quincy, "You did more than affect me Quincy," I said leaning forward, "you hurt me. Hurt that didn't go away overnight or in a few apologies. I am just getting to the point of being completely healed and being able to forgive you in order to move on myself. I altered my life, to an extent, to fulfill the potential of what turned out to be a promise that was empty." Whoa. I had been holding that in for so long. Felt good to actually say it, but there was more where that came from.
"And I can't say you're wrong for anything you just said. In the last ten months I have processed a lot, Chey, I really have. That's what really brought my relationship with Lisa to an end, in the last two months I began to really long to be married and I realized if I ever married her I'd be settling." He said. There was an unusual sincerity in his voice and I felt my heart fluttering. 'Cheyenne, you better not!' I coached myself to keep the tears from following. "One thing I've been consistent with in my life is pleasing my parents, partially to make them proud, the other half is out of fear that might do me like they did Rachel when she married Timothy instead of Lehman." He admitted. His parents had cut off his sister from her trust fund when she got pregnant by her high school sweetheart, Timothy, in their junior year of college. The Matthews wanted Rachel to marry Lehman Kendricks, Lisa's brother. They did not attend Rachel and Tim's wedding, nor her college graduation and sadly they haven't seen their granddaughter.
"Quince, you can't let the shallowness of your parents stop you from living your life how you want to. You're doing well for yourself anyway as a financial advisor. I saw the Ferragamos." I joked attempting to lighten his face for a moment.
"Thirty percent of my clients are my dad's croonies, colleagues and his real estate clients as well. They're loyal to him for some reason and will do whatever he says. He's that ruthless." Quincy retorted with a sigh, a bit unphased by my stab at lightening him up a bit.
"Well you'll still have seventy percent and that's more than fifty percent to retain." I reasoned.
"True, but the thirty percent are my bread and butter. If they walk, my salary will drop to fifty thousand dollars a year! That's a huge pay cut, Cheyenne." He replied cutting another piece of his chicken which was half devoured anyway.
"And money isn't everything. But for your family, its the stepping stone used to get over everything." I said reminiscing on the sixty thousand dollar job offer I got upon graduation in Houston, Texas. Mr. Matthews, as I always referred to him, had tried to get me a job far away from Quincy that would keep us from being together.
"Cheyenne, I can't apologize for the family I was born into. I can't make excuses for them either. If it wasn't for Poppie, I probably would be puffed up on my family's wealth too. He kept me grounded and showed me how to be a man beyond the almighty dollar. When I’m at home, my bank account does not keep me company. When I’m traveling the length and breath of this country, first class seating doesn’t make the ride nearly as enjoyable as if you were there to share it with.”
I looked at my watch for the time and forty minutes had passed already. Whew, that was quick how the time got away from us. “I’m flattered, Quincy, I really am and I appreciate your transparency, but I honestly just don’t know right now. I have a lot on my plate right now between work and the church, then Jan and X’s wedding. I want romance somewhere in there, but I can’t honestly see you as part of that. I don’t think you understand all you put me through Quince. There’s a lot I’d have to consider, much less pray on…ughh. This is all too much right now.” I said, getting flustered trying to make sense of it all.
“Cheyenne, I don’t need answers now, just for you to hear me. Its your prerogative to do anything more, but don’t just hear me, hear my heart.” he pleaded.
I nodded in silent agreement. I could barely look at him if I was going to keep the tears from falling. Quincy paid the bill and we arose and headed to the parking lot in an awkward silence. A silence that said either of us or both of us had something that needed to be said, but wasn’t sure how to communicate it. Once at my car, I fuddled around in my bag for my keys, while Quincy stood by silently. Just as I got a hold of my keys, Quincy began to speak.
“Cheyenne, thank you for even meeting me today. I know I’m not on your list of favorite people and there are several other things you could be doing.” I was now sitting in my car with the door open and my left foot still on the ground giving the leather interior time to cool off. “I love you Chey”, he said taking forward to close my door.
“You’re welcome.” I said pulling my leg in.
“And I miss you.” He muttered lowly as he bent down to kiss my forehead and closed the door. He walked off towards his car two cars over, glancing back occasionally. I reversed out of the parking spot and beeped as I drove pass him shutting his trunk. As if this table talk wasn’t enough to ponder, the dern forehead kiss too?? This was about to be a night in, I had had too much excitement for one day, first Dr. Dubois and now Quincy. Sweet Baby Jesus.
